More House thoughts
Mar. 19th, 2011 01:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flippet I'm going to copy/paste a reply I made on another thread, just because it kind of gets my thoughts out. Hope ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tauwja doesn't mind - it was in reply to her.
She said (speaking of Cuddy wanting to *know* that someone will be there for her):
Cuddy, I love you, but you're not making any sense honey. There is no certainty in life.
This. And I hope she figures this out - that while her reasoning is *super*-valid, her expectations are not.
readingrat convinced me that everything House did was ultimately for his own benefit (even if Cuddy benefited along the way). He does need to figure out how to be truly vulnerable - how to give with no expectation of return. And I think he's capable of that - probably not with 100% consistency, but then, who is? If that's what Cuddy's seeking, she's going to be permanently disappointed.
I think that a lot of the time, House *thought* he was doing the right thing, giving Cuddy what she wanted. If he hadn't, I don't think he'd be as devastated by her dumping him as he is. If he knew that he was manipulating her for his own benefit, I think he'd have been 'it's over? Well, fuck.' Angry? Sure. Upset? Certainly. Devastated? Probably not - you're devastated when you've invested something. Cuddy didn't see real investment - and she was kind of right. But it felt like real investment to House - this wasn't a trick or a game to him - and that's what she missed, I think. He was taking more steps in a new direction than he'd ever taken before. No road map, no guidance. And I don't think she gave him enough credit for making it as far as he did - she only saw that he didn't go far enough.
Let me use this metaphor, since I'm a parent of small children. Let's say my 5-year-old wants to help me do dishes. She puts on the apron, pulls on the gloves, gets out the sponge and soap and sets to work. When she's done, she's happy about what she's completed, and runs out to play. I check her work, and see that there's soap bubbles left on the plates, the cups weren't turned over to dry properly, and there's still food stuck to the forks and the bowls.
Okay, so she did a crappy job. But if I gripe about everything that she got wrong, everything that wasn't done as well as I would do it, or want it done, is she ever going to want to help me again? No - instead of her finding it fun to help me, she's going to see it as misery, and never want to help again. And what's my goal here, really? Is it to get clean dishes? Or is it to help my 5-year-old develop a helping spirit, and through practice and experience, learn how to get the dishes cleaner? I want to *encourage* her to do better, not discourage her from ever wanting to try again, if all she can do is the wrong thing.
So I see it like this - House is not the most experienced person at successful relationships. He doesn't necessarily know exactly what Cuddy wants, or what he's doing wrong. Yes, if it's pointed out to him, he might bitch and moan (my daughter doesn't like to see her failings either), but he also might see where it is that he can do better. (He said he wanted to do better, but it's entirely possible that he just didn't know where/how to do it.)
Also - Cuddy was upset that the things House was doing were ultimately for selfish reasons. I'd like to see - where are all the things that Cuddy was doing for House, purely out of altruistic love for him? Pot, meet kettle. Cuddy has an agenda, too. Many of the things she does 'for' House have an ulterior motive of keeping him in line, to keep the peace for herself, or to keep him from destroying her hospital and giving her a headache. It's like giving a cranky toddler snacks and a coloring book - sure, they enjoy it, but ultimately Mommy gets a little peace. So - I don't see her behaving towards House in the same way that she expected him to behave towards her. Will she 'always choose him' over her work and her hospital? I'm not sure she would. (In fact, many things in Now What highlight that, just as an example.) I don't think it's at all fair of her to expect it of him, and get a free pass from reciprocating.
tauwja doesn't mind - it was in reply to her.She said (speaking of Cuddy wanting to *know* that someone will be there for her):
Cuddy, I love you, but you're not making any sense honey. There is no certainty in life.
This. And I hope she figures this out - that while her reasoning is *super*-valid, her expectations are not.
readingrat convinced me that everything House did was ultimately for his own benefit (even if Cuddy benefited along the way). He does need to figure out how to be truly vulnerable - how to give with no expectation of return. And I think he's capable of that - probably not with 100% consistency, but then, who is? If that's what Cuddy's seeking, she's going to be permanently disappointed.I think that a lot of the time, House *thought* he was doing the right thing, giving Cuddy what she wanted. If he hadn't, I don't think he'd be as devastated by her dumping him as he is. If he knew that he was manipulating her for his own benefit, I think he'd have been 'it's over? Well, fuck.' Angry? Sure. Upset? Certainly. Devastated? Probably not - you're devastated when you've invested something. Cuddy didn't see real investment - and she was kind of right. But it felt like real investment to House - this wasn't a trick or a game to him - and that's what she missed, I think. He was taking more steps in a new direction than he'd ever taken before. No road map, no guidance. And I don't think she gave him enough credit for making it as far as he did - she only saw that he didn't go far enough.
Let me use this metaphor, since I'm a parent of small children. Let's say my 5-year-old wants to help me do dishes. She puts on the apron, pulls on the gloves, gets out the sponge and soap and sets to work. When she's done, she's happy about what she's completed, and runs out to play. I check her work, and see that there's soap bubbles left on the plates, the cups weren't turned over to dry properly, and there's still food stuck to the forks and the bowls.
Okay, so she did a crappy job. But if I gripe about everything that she got wrong, everything that wasn't done as well as I would do it, or want it done, is she ever going to want to help me again? No - instead of her finding it fun to help me, she's going to see it as misery, and never want to help again. And what's my goal here, really? Is it to get clean dishes? Or is it to help my 5-year-old develop a helping spirit, and through practice and experience, learn how to get the dishes cleaner? I want to *encourage* her to do better, not discourage her from ever wanting to try again, if all she can do is the wrong thing.
So I see it like this - House is not the most experienced person at successful relationships. He doesn't necessarily know exactly what Cuddy wants, or what he's doing wrong. Yes, if it's pointed out to him, he might bitch and moan (my daughter doesn't like to see her failings either), but he also might see where it is that he can do better. (He said he wanted to do better, but it's entirely possible that he just didn't know where/how to do it.)
Also - Cuddy was upset that the things House was doing were ultimately for selfish reasons. I'd like to see - where are all the things that Cuddy was doing for House, purely out of altruistic love for him? Pot, meet kettle. Cuddy has an agenda, too. Many of the things she does 'for' House have an ulterior motive of keeping him in line, to keep the peace for herself, or to keep him from destroying her hospital and giving her a headache. It's like giving a cranky toddler snacks and a coloring book - sure, they enjoy it, but ultimately Mommy gets a little peace. So - I don't see her behaving towards House in the same way that she expected him to behave towards her. Will she 'always choose him' over her work and her hospital? I'm not sure she would. (In fact, many things in Now What highlight that, just as an example.) I don't think it's at all fair of her to expect it of him, and get a free pass from reciprocating.
